party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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