So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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