sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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