I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
