Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
