I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
