I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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