last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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