forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
