And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
