I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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