I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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