She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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