We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Randomize
