Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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