do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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