I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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