ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
