The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
