I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
