So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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