We're like a lot better than the average bears
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
