He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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