I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
