all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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