If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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