one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
