I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
