Your tits are I can't wait for
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
