Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
