Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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