I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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