U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
