Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
