Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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