She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
