READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
