I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
