you didnt know i had herpes?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
