conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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