A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
