oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
