Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How external is "for external use only"?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
