Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
