I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
