Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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