i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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