go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
