So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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