And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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